Threesomes Unravelled:
It sounds fairly clinical, doesn't it? “How do I have a threesome?” There is absolutely nothing clinical about one of the most popular fantasies. The menage a trois oozes intrigue, sex appeal, desire, and mysticism. Studies show as high as 82% of men show some interest in a threesome. Women come in much lower at 31% but are we really being honest? I mean reeeeeeally? Let’s unravel some of the common questions around threesomes and share some top tips from a few people who have dived in.
At Luud Health, we love breaking down barriers and smashing taboos of talking about sex, so it's time to find out what makes threesomes so goddamn hot!
Let’s get this one out of the way first: what even is a threesome?
In short, it’s sex where 3 is the magic number. Instead of 2 bodies writhing around attempting to hit orgasmic heights of ecstasy, you’ve got 3 of you. “You” is any combination of a gender you’d like. The odds of pleasure increase by 150%. That’s called sexually winning in our world!
Is it really that simple or should more thought be put into the first threesome? Hmmm, let’s go with overthinking on this one, there are probably a few things you should think about.
Planning Your First Threesome: Plenty to Think About
Often intrigue can lead to ‘how the heck does it actually work piling under the sheets with 2 other people’. It’s not considered the ‘done’ thing.
Right, let’s scale it back to what it really boils down to. You have 3 people who want to devour every bit of each other’s bodies. Person A finds Person B hot and Person C hot. And vice versa (in 3 directions). Sex between Person A and Person B would be hot. Add in Person C and the thermometer notches up a level. It’s just hot sex with not 1 but 2 people. What’s not to love? The taboo of it? Park it, who cares. It’s sex. And it’s hot sex. Hot hot sex.
Make sure you embrace the moment!
You’ll learn new things from a third person. You can take a break and just sit back and watch. Ever considered you might even climax just from watching? You might just find yourself being bolder and braver during sex pushed on by the 3rd person.
Make sure you talk to your partner.
Not during the heat of the moment as that would just be a buzz killer. Talk with your partner before and after. Make sure you’re both on the same wavelength. What are your concerns about having a threesome? Fears? What do you want to feel from it? What did you enjoy about it? Would you do it again? Honesty is crucial when you’re walking the path of the unknown sexually.
Make sure you talk to your ‘thrupple’.
Do you want to set boundaries and understand theirs? Is the plan for everyone to be ok with everyone sitting on everyone’s faces? Stuff like that can cause issues if everyone isn’t sitting on the same page. Or the same face.
Make sure you stay safe.
We’re talking sexually and emotionally here. Has everyone been tested? Is everyone protected in whatever way you want to be protected? Are you being open with your feelings? If at any point living out a threesome fantasy is no longer for you then be honest. It doesn’t need to be for everyone.
“I was the one to bring up the subject, coax my partner into it, initiate it with a friend’s friend who we’d met out one night. Then as things heated up I lost my nerve. I couldn’t watch my partner with his hands on another woman. I stopped things there and then. It was awkward, really awkward but I couldn’t go through with it” - Tanya
It’s your body folks, you do what you want to do with it. Your decision is yours to own loud and proud of.
The Ménage à trois Unravelled
If you do want to get stuck into the fantasy, how do you go about it? Pick the wrong person and that’s your relationship doomed. Just kidding. But, we’re semi-not kidding.
Why are we so interested in threesomes?
What's not to be interested in threesomes! Let's not kid ourselves, even if it's not for you, the thought has crossed your mind, hasn't it? Go on, admit it, you've pictured yourself writhing around with a third party, bodies entwined, hands wondering, tongues exploring another person. Maybe you're a spirited person with a sexual appetite that wants to go beyond the boundaries of just one person. Perhaps menopause, babies, life has kicked your libido into touch and your sex drive needs cranking up a gear. There are all kinds of reasons a triangle can work and who is anyone to judge.
How to Have a Threesome
According to Lucy, “it’s super easy to get a vibe from someone, you’d be surprised how many couples there are out there who seek out threesomes”. Flirting, banter, and then bravery play their part here. If you and your partner have had the chat, decided you’re both on board then get out there and start mingling.
Steve says their approach to finding a playmate is fairly laid back. They go out with no expectations and certainly don’t expect something to happen that same night.
“We go out with friends, may meet someone from the extended group of friends who we sense a bit of flirting from. My wife will then drop them a message the next day asking if we can take them out. You know one way or another from their reply”.
Don’t panic that once you’ve done it your next step is limbering up in a tent full of strangers at Burning Man fending off multiple parties. It can of course be that, but often it's just couples wanting to change up the dynamic in their relationship. This can happen spontaneously.
Sparks fly, impulses are followed, the script to an erotic novel is born.
That’s the threesome most of us fantasise about. When life takes us away from planned normality and into a world of sporadic, incredible moments that remain entrenched in the memory banks for a long time after.
What's the Most Common Type of Threesome?
The most common type of three-way is far from sporadic. Whether it's two guys and one woman, two women and one man, 3 non-binary, male, female, sis, pan, couples, non-couples, get the picture? Threesomes are for open-minded people, experimenting, broadening their sexuality, pursuing a personal choice.
Historical connections to the Ménage à trois have focussed around a 'man' serving his own desires with little regard for the rest of the party. These days the feminist age has redesigned the wheel. The phrase itself carries a thrilling and erotic association, a 'conscious' mainstream acceptance of threesomes and everyone involved. Consent and freedom define the rules of play with communication and transparency sitting alongside.
Couples make the conscious decision to join the threesome party and spend their evenings pursuing (read stalking?) ‘candidates’ in bars or through dating sites most often than not, with their partners. Is it possible to avoid the calculated approach to this? How can you nonchalantly shimmy into a third person’s underwear without creeping them out? Let’s face it, you want to come out of this feeling liberated and pumped full of endorphins (and possibly cum), not like you’re desperate.
Going down the threesomes route as a couple can be extremely bonding in the long term. The common goal in the pursuit of pleasure with someone else can ignite fires that may have gone out. Embers fighting for oxygen might find their energy again. The introduction of external sexual energy could add flavours into your relationship never before tasted or devoured.
Will a Threesome Ruin my Relationship?
Be prepared for the fallout. There are misconceptions. It can be uncomfortable - not necessarily the penetration bit, more the emotional bit. There may be feelings of regret. Of jealousy. The questioning of who did what better. We’re all human. To deny these feelings would be lying. So be prepared for the swing, the curveball that you then either need to bat away and go again or catch the curveball, put it back in its box and tick off the threesomes from the sexual bucket list.
“We’d asked a friend to join us with who my partner had history. In my head it was an easy option. The chemistry was there, I felt it too. But the next day, all I wanted to know was who was better, who he’d choose now. I couldn’t stop picturing them together in the past. I stopped threesomes after that”. - Susie
Done well and approached the right way, threesomes can be incredibly positive for a relationship and all involved. Couples can often be brought closer together, it's a team effort. Boundaries have been pushed which will always invariably open up the channels of communication.
Should we all be diving into group sex?
The irony is perhaps we all feel threesomes are something for the younger generation to dive into. The spontaneity of them, the behaviour often deemed as ‘reckless’. The pursuit of unashamed pleasure that sits outside the taboo of modern society and our approach to sex. In reality, perhaps it's better pursued by the older, more sexually mature generation. Wise in their ways, steadfast in their desires, confident in their bodies, emotionally equipped.
Whoever you are and however you approach this, remember sex should be fun and safe. Talk it out, explore it if it's something that turns you on and don’t forget to go for a bed big enough to fit you all on!
